Birth stories

Mental health

Maternity

NEW TEXT PUBLISHED, SCROLL DOWN 4.9.2024

”Being a housewife is one of the highest-paying jobs in my field, because the pay is pure love.”

-Mildred B. Vermont

Birth story – failed vaginal birth

March 2019 

I had just had an ultrasound with my husband at week 40. My son still didn’t give any signs that he wanted to come into the world. However, the ultrasound showed that everything was fine with him, so the midwife didn’t see the need to induce labor even though I was already in pain. Let’s wait a while longer – she said. She was rolling the membranes in case it would speed up labor. At home, maybe a little contraction, but that was it. It must have been a couple of days since mucus started to stick to the paper. At first it was a small lump, then when I tried it, it stuck to my hand really well. That’s when I thought, yes – the mucus plug has come out and I’ll soon be able to give birth! Well, even though it was clearly the mucus plug, my son still didn’t want to do it. The last few days I was purging, going on long walks with my husband, and it felt like nothing was helping. I walked like a penguin – every step hurt and my stomach got hard. In the evenings I tried to relax and watch my favorite movies and eat treats. And no matter how difficult every position was, sex had to happen. Childbirth, oh where are you?

Now that I think about it, maybe they helped the labor start in some way. I think I was 41+5 when the first real contractions started, it was evening then. The contractions came regularly, but at longer intervals. I took Panadol and tried to sleep. I listened to music, and dozed off between contractions. It must have been early in the morning when I started to feel and feel pain. We called the obstetrician – we were allowed to go for a scan. There they said that there was still 10 cm to go, that it was fine to go home. I didn’t want to stay there either, when my husband should have gone home for the night. I got a heating pad with me. It helped a little while I was lying in bed. I remember that the contractions were starting to get pretty strong, but I still felt hot. We even ordered pizza from Wolt and ate it. I don’t remember what time that same day we left when I couldn’t take it anymore.

At the birth, I was allowed into the bath room right away. Or at that time, the women’s center still had old facilities, and there was a separate water bath room connected to the delivery room. Then I got a cervical anesthetic there. I tried a TENS device and I lasted on it for a surprisingly long time. Sometimes they checked to see if there was any progress, but I guess there wasn’t. In between, my membranes were ruptured. I remember that right then the pain started to be quite a bit of a pain and I was given the nitrous oxide. Oh my, that was a relief! That was just practice, when you had to know how to suck on the mask at just the right time so that the effect would come at the worst time of the contraction. Then I got into the bath, and I can say that in retrospect, I went too late. I couldn’t stand being in it for very long just with the nitrous oxide. Then in the bath, I felt like I was having a relentless urge to poop. I went to the toilet and it was hard to sit there. I don’t even remember if anything came out of it. I just remember that on that day I had a really urgent need to poop, but I tried not to. I told them about it after the bathroom, but it felt like they weren’t serious.

When I said that I really couldn’t stand this pain, one of the midwives finally realized that my pain was really bad and went to call an anesthesiologist for an epidural. It was horrible to have it given when you tried to stay still in pain. After that, the pain disappeared like a wall. I just lay there on the bed, and I noticed weak contractions. Then they finally checked the condition of the lower part. Well, it was completely dilated and I should push. I then tried to push while screaming, even though I didn’t feel the need to push. I was then surprised when more midwives started moving around the room. I was told that the baby’s head was tilted and that’s why it couldn’t come properly. Then they put a suction cup on the baby’s head to speed up the birth. Then they shouted that push, push, we’re here to help. NOTHING, I pushed and pushed until the baby was out.

He didn’t scream at all, he was bluish and completely silent.I didn’t even realize at that point that I had given birth to a stillborn baby. Apparently the man noticed. The boy had inhaled amniotic fluid that he had defecated into during the prolonged labor. The midwives apparently sucked it out of his lungs and got the baby to life, because I then heard him cry. Oh, what a beautiful baby, and he weighed over 4085kg. It was hard for another one to come. It immediately occurred to me that if I hadn’t let it go so long, the baby would have been born normally. The situation was confusing, and I don’t remember much. The placenta came out, and the midwife did a check-up on the lower part. Help! Fourth-degree tears all the way to the rectum. And I didn’t feel anything. They said that I would be immediately anesthetized and taken to the ward to patch everything up. I understood that the man was allowed to take the baby for a check-up and then wait for me. Then in the ward I took a deep breath, I was scared as hell. I fell asleep.

When I started waking up in the recovery room, I felt really bad. The doctor came and I was given anti-nausea medication. I asked about my husband and baby, and they promised to let me know when I would wake up. I would get to the ward after the check-up, I probably slept there for a couple of hours, and I don’t remember anything. I remember when they wheeled me into the ward and there that man was sitting in our little one’s arms. The most wonderful sight in the world. So the baby was born at six in the morning – and it must have been early evening when I got to the ward. That night I couldn’t stay awake much, I tried to eat and drink. I was given a stomach pad. I was told that I had to keep my stomach soft, that it shouldn’t get hard. Of course, there was a risk that the stitches would come open if you pushed the stool in with your face red.

I think it was because I couldn’t get out of bed for a day, the pain was excruciating. My uterus didn’t contract normally either, but they often had to press and crush it, and then blood just gushed out. My husband lifted the baby into my arms and I smelled him. The baby always quieted down when he got close. I tried to breastfeed him a couple of times, but nothing happened. During the entire hospital trip, my husband learned how to care for the baby and took care of him. At that time, hospitals still gave babies their first bath. I think it wasn’t until the third day that I was able to get rid of the catheter, when I was able to go to the bathroom myself with my husband’s help and later even take a shower. After every toilet visit, I had to rinse my lower body with warm water. It stung terribly.

Ainiin, I was given some medication when I had lost several hundred liters of blood and my uterus was not emptying properly. I don’t remember what it was now! I remember that I had to go to the maternity hospital to have my uterus checked. I think I was there for 4 nights in total, and then I was allowed to go home. Before leaving, the doctor who was the head midwife at the birth came to talk to me. He apologized a lot for the traumatic birth, and said he would call me again when time had passed to see how I had recovered both mentally and physically. It’s a shame that I didn’t file a medical malpractice report, even though my loved ones encouraged me to. This whole experience could have been prevented many times over. Either by starting the labor much earlier, or at the very least by monitoring the uterine dilation more frequently, and listening when I told them about my feelings! Yes, and the boy’s position in the womb was noticed.

After a few days at home, family came to see the baby. I still couldn’t sit up. And even after 2 weeks, sitting in the car was painful. I took antibiotics for probably a week at home. My hands were sore and weak for at least a week, since the birth, because the backs of my palms were completely black. There were catheters in both of them and they had to be reinserted many times. The bleeding was huge. My blood vessels are hidden and thin.

SUCKER

In the picture below you can see what the suction cup does to the baby. The back of the head had some really terrible bruises, and you can see that the shape of the head has also suffered from the suction force. Even today, at the age of 5, the back of the head is flatter on one side. They have strongly argued that he has preferred the other side. But no matter how much they changed the sleeping sides etc., the head has not fully recovered. I don’t know if it’s because of the suction cup or the wrong position, the whole head is a mess.

I probably couldn’t carry the baby myself for a week, but my husband always put him in my arms. My husband was wonderful back then, he woke up at night to feed the boy, bathe him, take care of him and change his diapers. Father and son were a close couple. After two weeks, the husband was already drinking large amounts of milk, if I remember correctly, maybe 150ml at a time. As he grew, even 200ml wasn’t always enough, so you had to give him a little more.

After my husband’s paternity leave ended, I had to face completely new challenges. I would have to take care of the baby alone for days. It was really scary, but on the first day I realized that this wasn’t difficult. The baby still slept at least 3 times during the day, and I was able to rest myself. My husband took care of the baby’s feeding until he was a few months old, even though he was working. He coped just fine.

My husband was probably about 4 months old when he started sleeping through the night. It gave him a lot of energy when he was able to sleep through the night without interruption. Each of our children has slept in their own room since they were a couple of months old, and I couldn’t imagine sleeping in the same bed or even in the same room with a baby. Different spaces give both us parents and the baby a peaceful night’s sleep. A baby monitor is a good safety feature here, if the baby wakes up at night.

At that time, we lived in an apartment building in Rantakylä, we were a three-person family. In the summer, we moved to a detached house in Kiihtelysvaara for the first time, when Uko was 3 months old. The house was lovely, renovated. We had a lake, a pier, a summer kitchen in the backyard. We really liked living there, and Kiihtelysvaara had all the necessary services, a gym, a shop, a library. It was really beautiful there, and my mind was at ease while looking at the field landscapes while jogging. It was 10 kilometers to the gas station and K-market in Heinävaara, and a little over 30 km to Joensuu. Ukko spent his first Christmas there, and we had my parents and my husband’s parents spending Christmas with Uko at that time. However, we moved back to the city from this lovely house after a little over six months, because the housing costs were too high due to the situation at the time. Oh, and we were already having a second child. 

4085G & 52 CM GOLD FILLED

I forgot to mention in the text that my son also had a broken collarbone when he was born. This was also a very sad thing, and it was very upsetting. Why wasn’t my concern taken seriously as a first-time mother? Why wasn’t induction started in the final weeks, when the child already weighed over 3500 g according to the ultrasound measurements? After that birth, I didn’t even wonder why fear of childbirth is so common. But despite this experience, I have already given birth to 3 children and all the births have been completely different. So, if childbirth scares you, at least don’t let that stop you from having children if you have the chance. I can say that when a child comes into this world, that fear only grows as you try to keep your child safe and healthy.

#fearofbirth #suctioncupbirth #motherlylove

“My child.
When I tell you that I love you,
I don’t do it out of habit, but so that you never forget:
you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.””out.”

Petra Lehto

THOUGHTS

It wasn’t an easy subject to write about, let alone remember this birth. My mind has clearly tried to hide these memories, when I really had to work to remember. Because of this birth, I decided to give birth to my middle child by C-section. Well, the birth was quick and painless, but the lingering feeling of discomfort left a trauma – even from this. After the birth of my first child, I must have been in some kind of baby bubble (and on painkillers) because I don’t remember much. My mind wasn’t depressed at all, but relieved when I got my body to myself. Although it wasn’t the same anymore. I kept exercising, occasionally went for stroller rides, mostly just watched TV, cleaned, decorated and shopped with the baby. Everything was new, but I was happy because I had a husband to help me.

At that time, the father-in-law, a wonderful grandfather to the firstborn, was still alive. The grandfather spent a lot of time at grandma and grandpa’s place for the night, and he didn’t even have separation anxiety with his mother. Then when we were picked up at home, he could even get a little angry with us. The grandfather and the grandfather were close, and we noticed that the son really cheered up the grandfather, even though he was sick. We got along well when we got time together on the weekends and saw friends. Sometimes we went to the city and a hotel for the night, sometimes we just stayed at home. But when you compare it to this moment, maybe life was still easy back then. Raising children is the hardest job there is, but the most rewarding. At that time, our family was doing pretty well, but when we moved to Ilomantsi and started a business, the downward spiral began. They say that you have to dare to take risks and strive hard for what you want, but sometimes it feels like in our case you could say that greedy people have a shitty end – which is almost the case.

It’s good to read a lighter and more pleasant topic instead of a more serious one. On my travel page, I publish pictures and texts about our trips and travels as a family. Go read it, and pick up some travel tips 🙂https://marissasormunen.fi/matkailu-pikkulapsiperheena/

BIRTH STORY 2 – planned c-section

My middle son was born by C-section on July 13, 2020 at the North Karelia Central Hospital. The first birth didn’t go quite smoothly, so I was quite nervous about this one, wondering if something would go wrong again.

GESTATIONAL DIABETES

Toinen lapseni, pojaksi lupasivat tämänkin – oli ns. Sokerivauva. Sain raskausdiabetes- diagnoosin jossain +20 tienoilla. Ensin kokeilin saada sokereita lääkityksellä kuriin, mutta tuloksetta. Sitten sain jo insuliinit, ja nostinkin niitä hurjiin lukemiin synnytykseen asti. Muistaakseni lääkitys piti lopettaa viikkoa ennen synnytystä, ja insuliinia piti käyttää loppuun saakka. Enhän minä missään vaiheessa saanut hyviä lukemia, melkein aina sokerit oli vähintään se 7,4. Usein pomppi lukemat yli 9. Minulla oli kova suklaakoukku, ja eihän sitä edes kesä ja mansikat saaneet vähemmälle. Jotkut kätilöt olivat aika töykeitä minua kohtaan. Ei pitäisi olla vaikeaa olla syömättä suklaata, pitäisi ajatella vauvaa, kaikki sokeri mitä syö, siirtyy vauvaan ja se on myrkkyä hänelle. Ja juuri siitä painosta oli useasti moitetta, miten se on lisääntynyt itsellä niin rutkasti.

Loppuraskaus oli tuskaa, asuttiin kerrostalossa ihan sairaalan vieressä, oli kesä kuumimmillaan ja asunto kuuma kuin sauna. Esikoinen oli vielä kotona, oppi vasta pikkuhiljaa kävelemään noin. 1v 4kk iässä, ja lähti siis päiväkotiinkin vasta siinä iässä. Tämä synnytys jännitti minua kovasti.

SYNNYTTÄMÄÄN

No, taisi olla harmaa aamu  kun lähdimme synnyttämään. Appiukko oli vielä lupautunut heittämään meidät kilsan päähän sairaalalle. Eihän sitä näkynyt, ja kello oli 6.45. Oli nukkunut pommiin, ja mies sitten päätti autollaan heittää minut sairaalan ovelle ja viedä sitten auto pihaan, ja juoksi sitten vielä perässä paikalle takaisin. Meidän auto oli siis rikki, eikä se kulkenut kuin 20 km/h. Siinä sitten kätilö ohjasi meidät pikkuhuoneeseen vaihtamaan sairaalakuteita ylle. Mieskin sai oman hienon asun ja suojamyssyn päähän. Kello taisi olla noin 7.30 kun sitä jännitettiin, ja lähdettiin sänkyineen päivineen synnytys saliin.

Minua alkoi niin pirusti jännittää ja ahdistaa. Siinä ne sitten valeli minut sillä keltaisella tökötillä, mitä leikkauksissa iholla käytetään. Monta lääkäriä ja hoitajaa vieressä – ja mies tietenkin. Laitettiin parit kanyylit, toinen kyynärtaipeeseen, toinen kämmenselkään. Siinä menikin tovi, kun suoneni on piilossa ja aina vaikea löytää. Niistä sitten laittoivat lääkkeitä menemään, mutta rauhoittavia ei saanut, piti vaan yrittää hengitellä paniikissa. Huomasin kun alaraajat alkoi puutua, ja hetkessä en enää saanutkaan edes varvasta ilmaan. Pidin miehen kädestä kiinni, kun lääkäri kokeili, tunsinko mitään- No en! Sitten sieltä kuului, että nyt aletaan leikkaamaan. No tunsin kun koko kroppa heilui, ja tuntui oikeastaan aika ikävälle, kun vatsaa runnottiin, en onneksi nähnyt mitään kun se sermi oli juuri vatsani edessä. Katselin synnytys salin kattoa ja valoja, ja mietin että mitenhän minulle käy.

Minulle iski aika pian ihan järjetön paha olo! Se paha olo vain kasvoi, ja taisinkin yhden ykän päästää. Siinä sitten panikoin, ja mies yritti viedä huomioni muualle ja yritti puhua ihan muita juttuja. Hoitajat oli siinä tilanteessa ihania myös, kun tsemppasivat ja rauhoittelivat.

Lääkäri naurahti siinä leikatessaan, että tämähän karjuu vaikkei ole vielä syntynytkään. Ja hetken päästä poika itkien nostettiin mahasta hetkeksi syliini. Se hetki toi heti itselle rauhan, että nyt on poika kunnossa. Napanuoran katkaisi ilmeisesti kätilö. Hetken aikaa poikaa sain rinnalla pitää, jonka jälkeen mies lähti hoitajan mukaan vauvan kanssa. Minua alettiin parsia kasaan, ja en ole varma nukutettiinko minut sitten, sillä siihen minun muistini pätkäisee. Seuraava muistikuvani on heräämössä, ja miten jäätävän pahaolo minulla oli siellä. Ja sain vain mehua!

Mutta pitää kyllä ylpeä olla kun mieheni ei ole voinut yhdessäkään synnytyksessä pahoin.

Sanoin jo leikkaussalissa, etten aio imettää. Olin toitottanut jo sitä useampaan kertaan, mutta ilmeisestikin kävi niin, ettei poika saanut korviketta ennen kuin minä saavuin osastolle, ja vielä kerran sanoin tiukan mielipiteeni etten aio imettää. Tuntui olevan vaikea käsittää, osastollakin minulle pari kertaa koitettiin tuputtaa ohjeita ja apuja, jos vaikka kuitenkin koittaisin imetystä.

Osastolle menon muistan hämärästi, kun hoitaja kärräsi minua sängyllä käytäviä pitkin. Se paha olo jäi vahvasti mieleen, sillä koko sen matkan yökkäilin, ja se sattui aivan valtavasti, kun koitin pidättää – pelkäsin että vatsani aukeaa. Pitelin oksennuspussia kädessä koko ajan. Koko se päivä ja loppuilta meni vain nukkuessa. Päivällisen sain, ja koitin sitä syödä. Mutta jo muutaman lusikallisen jälkeen se vähäinenkin ruoka tuli ylös. Minua tärisytti ja vapisutti, enkä voinut edes pitää silmiä auki. Pikku hiljaa sitten hörpin vettä, ja mehukeittoa, ja se mehukeitto oli varmaan se helpottava tekijä. Iltapala aikaan sain nimittäin jo jugurtin ja leivänkin alas. Nälkä oli suuri, mutta olin jo tuosta määrästä onnellinen, kun se pysyi sisällä ja olo koheni.

Minulla oli katetri ja taisin nousta vasta seuraavan päivän iltana ylös sängystä hoitajan avustamana. Kävin ensimmäistä kertaa itse pissillä, ja olin iloinen kun ei tullutkaan ”pissilukkoa”, kun joskus minulla oli paha virtsalukko, ja oli vaikea taas opetella virtsaamaan. Suihkussakin kävin sinä iltana, ja voin sanoa, että oli kyllä taistelua. Ei olisi jaksanut vielä seista, ja en pystynyt siis kävelemään tai seisomaan selkä suorassa.

Vauvalta otettiin aluksi 3 tunnin välein verikokeet jalanpohjasta. Eli siis mitattiin sokeriarvoja. Muistaakseni toisena osastopäivänä verikokeita alettiin harventaa, kun sokerit olivat pysyneet oikeina. Voi kun sydäntäni riipi, kun toinen huuti aina pistettäessä. Minunkin täytyi mitata itse sokereita, ja kertoa tuloksia hoitajille. Muistaakseni seuraavana päivänä synnytyksestä arvot olivat jo normaalit.

Mies hoiti poikaamme koko sairaalassa olo ajan. Vauva oli tosi itkuinen, ja emme kyllä nukkuneet kuin 1-2h pätkiä hyvinä hetkinä. Yhden kerran kiltti yöhoitaja otti 3 tunnin ajaksi poikamme hoitajien huoneeseen, ja toi vauvan verikokeen jälkeen takaisin. Hetken se siinä tuhisi, ja sitten alkoi huuto.

We had to alert the nurse the whole time, at least it felt like it. At first, the baby got 10 ml of milk every 1-3 hours, and gradually the amount was increased to 15 ml, 20 ml, 30 ml.

Before the day of departure, breast milk was mixed with store-bought formula. On the day of departure, the boy drank perhaps about 50-60 ml at a time.

HOMECOMING

My thoughts were conflicting. I was happy about the little one and I missed my son Ukko very much. Ukko was with grandma and grandpa. However, being in the ward and going home was overshadowed by worry, as grandpa had been hospitalized. Fortunately, the birth went well in the end. Ukko had to stay with grandma longer so that we could get used to being at home with three of us, but Ukko came home the next morning.

I think I was hit by postpartum depression on the ward, because I felt like the baby was a stranger, and I felt guilty when I couldn’t take care of him. And because I wasn’t breastfeeding, I felt like I couldn’t connect with the baby. Even though I wasn’t taking care of the baby on the ward, I looked at him a lot and stroked him.

But the kind and lovely boy welcomed the baby very well, and often just looked at the baby and even went to rock the cradle a little. He noticed that the firstborn had been bored, because when I was lying in bed, he would just come and sit next to me and watch children’s programs on TV. Oh, mother’s little one!

I am so happy for my husband and these three wonderful little guys. I am grateful for how my husband managed to take care of the middle boy for the first few months. He fed, washed, dressed and cared for the little man. He woke up at night, fed and tried to calm the screaming little boy. I couldn’t listen to the little one crying at all because it was really so heartbreaking. I felt terribly anxious when I heard him crying, and I wasn’t able to take care of him. My husband endured the crying, did fart exercises and everything.

POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

I started to get a grip on life again when my husband returned to work from paternity leave. It was terrifying to be alone. Of course, I wasn’t alone, because at first, home care came to my house every day to take care of the baby. Every morning between 6 and 8, a worker from home care came, and I could continue sleeping. At some point, the visits were stopped like a wall, and I was able to take care of my wonderful child, and I would chat to him, go for walks and enjoy each other.

I could write more about this period of depression later, because it is important to get postpartum depression under control as early as possible. Because the mother’s poor health affects the entire family, and it especially negatively affects the attachment relationship between mother and baby.

But let me mention that since that time, Väiskä and I have become close, he is a real mama’s boy, and loves to come to his mother’s arms for no reason at all. And oh, how he can kiss! A little big man.